I was asked what I took away from the service a few weeks ago. And at first I thought that using the metaphor of the kaleidoscope, was genius. It was quite essentially showing that it doesn’t matter how broken you are, that there is a place for you. That you are able to fit and help make a better place. Like I said, genius. But it is only true if you fit.
But what if you do not? Then what do you do? Do you continue to believe? Or do you wash your hands of it? Do you find a happy medium? Or do you say fuck it and end it all. While at this time, I have no intention of doing the last one, yet. But let me tell you, I thought about it. But I have good friends. They wouldn’t let me.
I Loved the church that I go to. I felt like I belonged. But now I think that I was wrong. I am that piece of glass that is not wanted. The item left behind. The valueless. But that is fine. I may be a square peg. And this church may be a cross shaped hole. I do not fit.
To the extent that I am going this far to seek acceptance, I will not lose my integrity. I will be who I am. I will be true. I am a valid person, And while you can use handpicked bible quotes to select who you allow to be members, Such as, Genesis 1:27 “So god created man in his own image, in the image he created him; male and female he created them”, and Corinthians 6:19-20; What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?For ye are bought with a price: therefore, glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.
These verses prohibit me from being a member of this church. And I answer them with Galatians 3:28; There is neither Jew not Greek, There is neither slave nor free, There is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
1 Cor 11:11-12, Nevertheless in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; for as woman was made from man, so man is born from woman. And all things are from god.
Romans 2:11 For god shows no partiality.
1 Cor 11:8-9 For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.
Genesis 2:23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She call be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man”
I can continue. I will not.. You do not deserve that. I can handpick verses to. I learned a few things in my time here. Most people Have no clue who someone is until they meet them, And even then it can take time for people to know someone. I felt at ease in this church. No that is not correct, I felt an all enveloping peace. A warmth that I hadn’t known previously. But I am not leaving that peace. But I am not able in good conscious to be here.
I am a shard of glass, unpolished, unrefined, but pure nonetheless. I will find the Castle of glass that I am meant to be in. And it is not here.
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